Discomfort, guilt and fear, these are the emotions caused by a manipulative person. This is what psychotherapist Susan Forward also calls “emotional blackmail,” referring to individuals who take advantage of their friends, their children, their parents, or their partners by controlling them for their own sake. It is for this reason that it is important to detect in time the signals and the dynamics that emanate from them to free themselves from them and to avoid subconsciously subjecting them to others.
Buzzafter has now developed for you a list of signs of emotional blackmail to which we must be careful not to be manipulated or manipulate others.
Meaning of emotional blackmail
This situation is mainly based on the emotional demands and threats one person inflicts on another in order to get what she wants. The experts in psychology claim that emotional blackmail causes damage to the victim, because it is handled and often do not realize it. In their book Emotional Blackmail, Susan Forward and Donna Frazier explain that the master-singer uses tactics based on fear, because he knows very well the person on whom he will exert his pressure.
How can someone become a singer
According to psychologist Jonathan García-Allen, there are many reasons that can explain why an individual is manipulative in his relationships with those around him. For example :
- Low self-esteem: he’s always looking to make sure his partner really likes him or he’s doing things so that the other person does not abandon him.
- Narcissism: he uses blackmail with his friends, his family, his partner and all the people around him, he always seeks to enhance himself, to be superior to others.
- Emotional dependence: some people are afraid of abandonment and “idealize” the other.
- People who develop a manipulable profile: García-Allen says that this usually happens in people who have been overprotected during childhood and have trouble dealing with frustration. This habit of getting everything they want puts them in a position of submission.
We can all suffer emotional blackmail
The person who does blackmail never does it in a healthy way and therefore uses negativity, obstacles and victimization to make the situation in his favor. This makes the manipulated confused, and this happens more than is believed in relationships (regardless of sex). Psychologist Karen Doll explains : “Let’s take the example of a scenario where a man engaged in a romantic relationship is caught cheating on his partner. Instead of apologizing for his actions, he can distort the story and blame his concubine for not meeting his needs or for not being there when he needed her, justifying his behavior. “
Signs to identify to avoid blackmail
The singer tries to strengthen the relationship in a rather unhealthy way, using phrases such as “If you leave me, I die” or “After you, there is nothing else” and made feel guilty the other. A video on YouTube clearly shows this point by using the personality of the characters in the Friends series. For example, we can see that Rachel has a narcissistic and selfish profile, while Ross is the liar of the relationship, a real time bomb. Thus, although many do not notice, they maintain a disturbed romantic link that is not untouched by manipulations.
2. Manipulators stay in their environment
According to Healthline , manipulators seek to meet others in places they know very well (home, car, office) and where they will not be very exposed. In this way, they have an advantage when interacting because they dominate the space. In this sense, you will always hear them say: “Come, I’m busy”, “This coffee (for example) is far, you do not prefer that we find ourselves closer to home?”
3. The punishment
Here, threatening phrases are used to make the other person change certain aspects of his personality and even his own freedom in order to please. The manipulator usually exposes messages such as: “If you’re not with me, you will not blame me if I go out with other people” or “You spend a lot of time with your friends and not with me “And still others, clearly exaggerated. The Netflix series , Dirty John , shows more about this and emotional blackmail in general.
4. They procrastinate
The manipulative person lies and modifies the facts to confuse his partner. In fact, it exaggerates to appear more vulnerable. For example, if a person is caught cheating on his partner, she always responds that “This is not what you think” or “We’re just friends, nothing is happening at all”, but it’s a excuse that generates confusion, giving the impression that it is the other person who has problems, jealousy or confidence.
5. They remain silent
Another important note to take into account: the manipulators avoid talking and create tension in the relationship when they are angry with their partner, which makes the other think that nothing goes. It’s a way of being a victim, saving time and keeping everything under control.
This is when the singer makes the other feel guilty of his actions or behavior. This is clearly another signal to consider, as it would be even the most accurate warning signal of psychological abuse . One of the recurring phrases in this case is: “It’s you who makes me so violent”, “If I’m so fat, it’s because you do not cook well”, among others.
7. The promises
This is when the manipulator promises that he will do certain things to prove that he can change . For example, if he uses emotional abuse to express his emotions and his partner tells him that if he continues like that, she will eventually leave him, the master-singer then uses the recourse of “I will change”, but never do it. This behavior is analyzed in the cycle of violence and is quite dangerous.
How to avoid emotional blackmail
Although it is difficult to detect these signs, it is important to understand, as psychoanalysts explain , that the singer is not a bad person. However, his acts and comments cause very severe emotional damage. Therefore, it is recommended to remain calm and calm before analyzing the acts and taking action, because everything depends on the context. Similarly, Jonathan García-Allen reports that even if the manipulator’s attitude changes very little, the victim (manipulated) can work on aspects of emotional intelligence and self-esteem to “emancipate themselves in the face of life” .
So, have you ever met any manipulators? And what other signals would you like to add to our list? What are you doing to avoid being manipulated? Do not hesitate to give us your opinion and to share your experience in the comments below!